Verna

My friend Verna.

Verna was 5'10" and glamourous. She wore her fingernails longer than anyone I knew. She wore her short, dark hair done perfectly every time I saw her. At first meeting I thought she seemed coarse and too rough for my liking. She was blunt and loud. She seemed to always have a smile on her face and light in her eyes. I came to understand where that light came from... the light was because she was mischievous. Proudly she admitted that she had shown up at the airport once in only a full length fur coat to put a smile on her husband's face.

Verna was in her late sixties when I met her. I was in my early thirties.

She and I, along with about fifteen other women, did water aerobics at the Franklin Recreation Center most every weekday. Verna liked to talk and others seemed drawn to her. While our circle of friends were the same, I stayed away from any one on one conversation with her because she frightened me a little. It seemed to me that we had nothing in common. In the pool she wore fancy jewels and full make-up and she told dirty jokes.

I discovered I was wrong about Verna.

One day when the numbers were few at our water aerobic class I got to talk to Verna. I discovered she was a woman with a HUGE heart  with great life lessons to share. Verna went to college despite her mother's ridicule that "women didn't go to college". Her second semester at school she was raped and came home a shell of a girl and then had to hear her mother say I told you so and,

"You got what you deserved!"

She survived a bad marriage and then Verna worked hard as a single mom in New York City. She made every effort to teach a young daughter the importance of honesty and caring. She shared how important being happy and positive in all circumstances was to her survival. She had struggled much but fought hard and had eventually found a happy life with a great man.

Before I moved away from Franklin, Tennessee, my friend Verna threw a party in my honor.

I arrived early at Verna's home at her insistence. She showed me around her home that had been featured on HGTV. She showed me the heated pool where she and her husband loved to skinny dip. She showed me the beautiful orchids in the greenhouse that the two of them liked to grow together. She took me into her HUGE bathroom and pulled from a jewelry box a very very large diamond ring and asked me to wear it for the day. She made a fabulous lunch and while I sat at the table with all of my friends, ages 55+, I felt loved. We laughed all afternoon together and they spoiled me with gifts and hugged and kissed my young daughter, Cassie, who was then four years old. The feelings we shared were warm and strong and real. These women made me happy. I loved their laugh lines and their less than perfect waistlines. I loved their gray hair coupled with their smooth leather skirts. I loved that they were refined and spent time talking of interesting and valuable things. I loved them because they said I made them all look better with my young looks and non-saggy boobs. I loved these women.

Verna taught me what friendship means.

So many people were drawn to Verna because she didn't pretend to be anything that she wasn't. She didn't make friends with people that were fake or dishonest. She didn't care if you were rich or poor, young or old.  She spent her time loving big and laughing hard. She didn't waste her time talking bad of others. She felt deeply the importance of being true.

I miss my friend Verna.

I have had the intentions of returning to Franklin and walking into my old water aerobic class to see all my friends. Often times I see in my mind the welcome and the love that I will feel when I see them...right where I left them in the pool eight years ago, splashing and cheering because I have returned. It would be like nothing had changed. But returning to Franklin is hard for me. It would be especially sad to return and find that some of my older friends were  ill or gone from this world. I know that the experiences I had with them changed my life and that I will see in myself someday, when I am in my later years of life, the beauty in my gray hair and the pleasure in my laugh lines because I saw this real and meaningful beauty in them.

They were classy, sassy and strong women and Verna is someone I hope I can be like someday....except for the fur coat thing. Not gonna happen.