The Whimpering, Wimpy-Ness of Me

When I hear that someone is a "runner" or just finished a 5K or even worse, a marathon, I am often heard saying,

"I don't run; unless there is someone scary chasing me."

Usually following this ridiculous comment there are a few polite chuckles. People are just nice.

But apparently this slightly funny line I have used for so long is a lie. I have discovered that someone scary who might be chasing me is gonna catch me. How do I know this? This has come to light in my attempt to follow a simple running regiment assigned to me by a personal trainer. Even when he gave me the physical homework I thought,

"Psh, I can do that." And without doubt the expression on my face matched how lame-o my task seemed.

This manageable and mild homework assignment was to run for one minute and then walk for three minutes. That's it. I was to do this for roughly 30 minutes, 5 times a week.

Not only is this difficult for me to complete, but seriously I am very grouchy during the entire process. Even in my attempts to use a visualization technique, all I can see is me running with a completely and utterly ticked off expression. And it is NOT pretty.

 Poor Jon, he runs next to me, probably wanting to either laugh out loud at my wimpy-ness or scream at me to quit my whimpering. Instead he is telling me all the while that I am doing so good.
Why is this so hard for me? Because my calf muscles lock up, cramp and then the cramping goes to my Achilles, then searing pain continues to the arch of my feet and then on to my little piggies. I half expect to see flames shooting from the tops of my toes! All this happens within the first minute. Scary people can chase someone for at least that long.

Now this week the running ante is being raised.

I now run for 1 minute and 15 seconds and walk for 2 minutes and 45 seconds; still annoyed and angry.

Last week I told "Mr. Personal Trainer" that he is now referred to in my home as

THE GUY THAT MOM HATES ( that should be heard with an echo)

He seemed unimpressed with my title and said rather calmly,

"Oh, I've been called worse. That is a rather rated "G" version."

I don't ever talk beyond a "PG" rating but with the increased running drills he is giving me I will quickly be referring to him as

THAT DARN GUY THAT I HATE.

I wonder how he will respond to that hate speech!

So when people wonder why I am running now, it is not because I like it, am inspired by it or even want to shed a few pounds. My goal is to be able to outrun any scary guy that could one day decide to chase me...cause then I will be ready to outrun him.

It may take a few years but I will be prepared eventually.

Maybe I should continue with the scowl on my face until then to use as a weapon.