Next Door to Perfect

I recently found a friend that I haven't seen or heard from for over two decades. I have been getting around to looking for her but the intentions in my mind and heart so often get undone. I told her to go to my blog here to do the quick catch up on what I have been doing. Her response has made me think all day. She said that it looked like I had the perfect life. Now, I know she doesn't really think my life is perfect but on these pages it looks pretty darn good.

I think about the days where I really wanted to escape the sounds or demands of my young children. Those days were exhausting and painful. I think of how many times I have been discouraged when I see what happened to my body after birthin' five kids. I felt so much less than perfect. I think of the days where I struggled with my mistakes that seemed more than my successes with my kids. I think of the days that I have searched and searched to find what to do or what to say to help them grow up right. I think of the pain I feel just to let my kids go through hard things. I think of the days that with all the burdens of life I just wanted to sit down and cry but couldn't even force the sound out of my mouth. A cry would have made me feel so much better. I think of the days that there never seems to be an end to the noise of contention. I think of the days that I am lonely and miss my kids. These are the realities I know of my life.

But I know that there is opposition in all things and as bad as those days were there were some that were pretty good.

I think of the day that each of my kids were born. I think of the pictures and notes of " I love you, Mommy". I think of what it feels like to triumph with your kids successes. I think of how I cry when my kids sing in church or do a kind deed for someone else. I think of the times we have sat and laughed and talked together late into the night. I think of my girls at their kindergarten graduations and in their prom dresses. I think of the day we found out we were having a boy. I think of the times where I knew exactly what to say because the spirit was directing me. I think of the times that Jon and I have had the time to get away and re-establish how crazy we are for each other. These are the realities I know of my life.

There are many more of the good times and bad times ahead. When times seemed toughest with my kids I remember saying to Jon, " I JUST wanted to have a baby". I could not have imagined what good time and bad times would come with such a desire. Now I know that these kids will start marrying and having kids of their own and my sorrows will increase but so will my joys.

Right now and today I wouldn't put my family at "PERFECT" but there have been some days that we are "oh-so-close". It's like we were next door to perfect.