Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Sleep has changed for me a lot over the years.

When I was a young girl and I shared a room with my sister Joni we would often sing primary songs  or we would chatter and giggle about silly things before we drifted off to our dreams. There were times I could doze into to sleep easily as I listened to my mother playing the piano in the other room.  In the complete darkness of my room I remember seeing glittering and colored sparkling flecks stirring in front of my face. Joni saw them too and we would reach out to try to catch them in our hands. My sleep was so deep as a young child I once fell off the top bunk-bed. My parents rushed into the room and saw me still asleep on the floor. Ah, I miss that kind of sleep.

As a teenager I could sleep even deeper... like the un-revivable dead. I remember wanting naps and feeling the weight of my head bobbing around in school like I would never be able to keep my eyes open. My senior year in high school I had mono and I remember sleeping endlessly for six weeks. It was heaven.

At twenty years old,  I purchased a queen size, four poster bed and soon discovered that I could sprawl out to all corners of the large mattress. I also began piling in many pillows; one especially for between my knees. To this day I cannot sleep without a pillow for my knees.

Adding a husband to the customs of my sleep was a challenge. The sounds he made were weird, like very loud breathing and his kicking and jumpy twitches were an odd interruption to my sleep. One morning when we were newlyweds I remember taking a small feather and tickling his nose while he slept. His responses made me laugh.

Pregnancy sleeping was good and bad but I remember having the strangest dreams during pregnancy.
I also worried about whether or not I would hear my crying baby but people reassured me that I would be the FIRST to hear my child's cries. It didn't happen and many nights, Jon would elbow me over and over chanting,

" Baby's cryin', baby's cryin'"

The sleep that I craved after the birth of a child was endless. Those were the times I would hit the pillow and be asleep within seconds.

When Jon traveled early in our marriage I missed the feeling of safety I felt with him sleeping beside me and most nights every sound or creek of the house would keep me from ever sleeping.

With teenagers of my own and as young women's president I slept veeeery little. I sat up many nights my head full of worries. I would re- attempt sleep many times but just couldn't shut off my mind to actually fall asleep.

Now I find myself taking a 1/2 of an advil pm to fall asleep while Jon lives away from home Monday through Thursday. I find myself returning to my ways of covering the entire bed so when he is home I feel cramped and confined. I sleep better when he is home with a full advil PM.

Just before I fall asleep, instead of the sparkles I saw as I child, I am moving quickly on a path with brush on either side. I don't feel the jarring of a run or a walk but it is more like I am floating just above the path. I can never see myself; only the view of what is around me as I move towards something I can never find. The path has twists and turns and with the feelings of floating it is like almost being rocked to sleepI fall asleep so quickly I never see what is at the end.

Tonight Jon is home and I am glad that even though I feel he is taking up some of my space, and his deep breathing has evolved into snores,  I know I will sleep with a feeling of deep peace. He still makes me feel safe.

 so g'night Jon-boy
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz