I Worry, Wonder and Wish

Shane and Marli riding the Roller Coaster

I was four or five years old and my parents had hired a babysitter. From what I remember our babysitter  was a boy and he was very tall...that's it. At one point there was a noise in the house and boy babysitter told us, in a panic, to hide! I was frantic as I scrambled to find a hiding place. Finally I slipped under my parents bed with the dusty hardwood floors beneath me and the bed-slats and mattress above me. The space was tight even for such a small body.  I waited to hear something from another person...anything! I had no idea where John, Kathy or the babysitter had hidden themselves. I remember my loud breathing and my heart pounding so hard it  rocked my young body. I was so afraid!

I waited for what seemed a very, very long time and then the babysitter found me and pulled me out by one leg. He had a big smile on his face and my brother and sister looked just as amused. I had been tricked into thinking there was reason to fear; but there wasn't. They had probably wanted to rid themselves of the "little sister" and found a way to keep me quiet and away for a period of time.

There have been other times in my life where I have felt fear but none quite as vivid as the time I hid under the bed from some unseen force that wanted to harm me.

Other times the fears of my life have kept me safe. When I wanted to avoid consequences or disappointments of my choices, my fears urged me to do my best to be honest or to stay away from the "bad" things of life. Those fears have blessed me unmeasurably and still do today.

The fears that plague me now are the unknowns.

 I wonder if......

I worry that.....

I wish I had.....

I have grown enough to know that I cannot dwell too much on these fears or they would have crippled me and kept me from...

flirting

getting married

having children

starting my own business

going back to school

asking for forgiveness

asking questions

trying new things

moving to Wyoming

and doing the "hard things" of life.